I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
