suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
