so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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