Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
