I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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