I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
