If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
