I want to stick my p in your. b.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
