Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
