Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
