i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
