yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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