The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
