We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My bed smells like the plague
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
