i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize