I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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