I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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