Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
