i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
