You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
