Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
