The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
