Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
