do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dignity is for republicans.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
