Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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