someone threw a dead crab at me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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