i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
