Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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