please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
