I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
