Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
