I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
