Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
