all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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