Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
