i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
