Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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