I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
