there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
