i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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