Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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