Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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