i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
