Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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