I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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