can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
