I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
