South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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