you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
