My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
