She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
