hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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