I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
