Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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