there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
