Moan for me like Helen Keller
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
