He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my being single is dangerous.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
