Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
