Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
