I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
