Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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