just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
