I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
