90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize