you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
