Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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