it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
