I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
