my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize