i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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