my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
