i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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