Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
